Hopeless Expectations and The Death of My Business

Are You There God? Because I am Trapped.

My life isn't my own anymore. Instead, I feel like a rag doll in that Apple game. I'm being fired from cannon to cannon, without any say-so, because my words are incomprehensible. For some reason, I have suddenly grown up within the short period of the last two years of my life. Now comes the never ending fretting about my so-called future. God, I've been skimming some of Your Word after Madeline invited me with her on Wednesday. Nothing much serious, just some famous verses Google provided. And it says not to worry. Why does it seem like everyone I am supposed to trust is an intense hypocrite when it comes to that? I am young! I want to scream it out to the world.
My parents have started piling up on me with ever more things to do. Especially since I told them about Wednesday night. My dad immediately ordered a stack of countless books comparing and contrasting religions. He says these are to strengthen my faith. That's not what I thought being a Christian was about, God. I thought it meant realizing I was really loved by You, and that the love that you had for me is everlasting. It meant having never ending joy because I know I am loved, and that I don't have to do anything for it.
Now it's my sophomore year and my parents have already hopelessly decided that I must go to Princeton. My GPA is a 3.98, but it isn't good enough. They pile on extra credit work, and I feel as if I am in a hard, narrow tube. It's hard and sturdy, and it isn't big enough to fit me, but I'm stuck in it, about waist deep. And with every book my dad plops for me to read, with every assignment my mom finds unsatisfactory, with every harsh comment to stop that ridiculous singing in the shower, with every hard lecture I have to sit through about time management, I feel as if it is a rock carefully balanced on my head. And with each rock, I sink deeper into the tube. It's too thin, and I am starting to have difficulty breathing. But I can't move. I can't give a sudden cry for help to pry me out of this pit of despair, because then the rocks will fall. And as the rocks fall, one tribute that I value goes with it. I try and wiggle to breathe better, and my mom's pride in me, that rock, it falls. I push against the sides, and my dad's hope that I can do great things, that rock, it falls. It falls, and I look down to where it falls to. My world is no longer there. Instead, there is a huge chasm, and I am suspended by seemingly nothing in this tube that I can't escape. The rocks fall, until they are out of sight. And I look at this tube I am held in, and for a second, I panic. I am placed in space, with nothing of support that I can see, feel, hear, or touch. But I am reminded that I have not fallen. Things may look very bleak, but I'm still managing to stand. And I realize, that invisible support, it is You, God. You are holding me up.

I'm Trapped.