I'm That Girl.

For a few months now, I have been contemplating suicide.  Everything had piled up on my shoulders, and nothing was going the way I planned. Everyone seemed like such a hypocrite. No one understood a thing. But three people changed my mind.
One was Jay Asher. I read his book Thirteen Reasons Why, a book about a girl who decides to commit suicide, and leaves behind thirteen recorded reasons why. Well, with the remaining feeling I still had in my heart, I decided to wait. I wanted to tell my story. And why.
I decided to watch. To me, I had it the worse. My life was the only one worth taking. But that was only to me. Everyone, to their own self, has it the worse. No one tells you, "Oh, I love my life!" So I was going to watch. Who really had it worse than me? Who else had reason to take their life?
I watched and observed. I became a very reserved girl, and noticed things I never had seen before.
The second person the changed my mind was a great mentor and teacher that I looked up to. He had always been convinced that I was an exceedingly talented writer, and was the one who looked me in the eyes and told me the words, "Keep writing, even when no one is reading."
The third person is Charles Finn. I have watched. I have realized that no one is who they say they are. Everyone is under a facade, no matter how great their efforts to deceive you. Just like he illustrated in his poem "Please Hear What I Am Not Saying." I've managed to come up with a summary of who everyone is, but the list grows longer still.
Before I go, I want to leave why. Maybe, as if I still have heart enough to hope, I can talk myself out of this through writing.
So I paint another smile on my face as I go out from solitude again, and act like nothing is happening. No suicidal thoughts from me, not at all. So I only watch, fueling myself by the subtle concealments I manage to uncover. And I keep writing this, and hope that someday, someone will read.