I Am The Underdog

I am The Underdog.
I am the one that is suppressed.
I am the one that is expected of neutrality because I have been nominated as the one most likely to put up with hatred.
I am the one that doesn't know if outbursting would be betrayal.
I am the one that screams inside, because anyone knows I couldn't, wouldn't, outside.
I am the one that is constantly being pushed down by those who believe they can do so much better than me.
I am the one who is afraid to admit that I am more than what the world thinks.
I am who is tired of being continuously belittled because I don't measure up to their superficial judgments!
I am the one who waits... Because I can't stand to imagine what would happen if I don't.
I am The Underdog.

I can't separate the lies from the truth. Only words are fed to me. And the occasional action when I'm needed. And the thoughts. I can hear all the thoughts. In the simplest of movements, I can see beneath their eyes, what they really think of me. What am I? Just a tool? Am I only someone to be summoned when needed, and discarded with use? And every time I seem to find someone that I can trust, whom I think I can trust, they simply press delete.

And now, I just still haven't learned. Now, I'm still tagging along. Saved as a distraction for targeted embarrassment, or as a procrastination tool, a way to work without working, or as a stuffed figure, used only for my presence. I haven't told anyone. Because I can't. What would happen if I did? I would get several various scoldings for overreacting and lectures of "This is not like you"s, but then they would forget, and I would go back to this. This. Crying in my sleep and slowly going insane.

So I console myself. I put all these things I would say, but never have, all the thoughts that I let pent up. I put them all down. They are my "Things Unsaid."

I Am The Trapped

I am The Trapped.
I am the one that hates my parents for not loving me in a way that I can comprehend.
I am the one that doesn't know if I should follow my heart or my path.
I am the one that can't stand the weight of the world thrust upon my shoulders by myself.
I am the one that wants to please my parents, yet with what I love.
I am the one that will not give up.
I am the one that is afraid to be unloved.
I am the one that doesn't know who to believe.
I am the one that is confused.
I am the one that knows that I know myself better than anyone else.
I am the one that is only understood by God.
I am the one that won't comprimise.
I am the one that is trapped.

I am trapped between working for my parents' love, yet never reaching that goal. I am trapped within the fear that I am a disappointment to the ones who birthed me. I can't decide whether I am more important, or the ones controlling me. I am trapped in this confining prison called time, where an evil monster called Overwhelment seeks to destroy my soul. I try so hard, yet seem to fail every time. I can never seem to measure up to that level of perfection that is expected out of me. I am expected to do whatever is said to be best for my future, yet what is my future? I am controlled by everyone but me. I am trapped into feeling like I will never break free.

I am in love with singing. It is the only place where I can perform without having a fear of not being recognized or downsized. The only place where I can not be judged, because everyone's opinion will differ. Yet, still, I am not allowed to enjoy that sense of freedom from judgment. I must steer along the right path for me, as everyone tells me. I must think about my future, and get my head out of the clouds. I must stop focusing on this simple "hobby" of mine and give it up. Because they tell me in that I will never measure up. But I am convinced otherwise. I know that if I never give up, I will succeed.

The only way that I can be understood, is when I reach out to the only person who understands everyone. When I ask the question, "Are You There, God? Because I Am Trapped."